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Exciting New things....

Are popping up everywhere! Stay tuned for more info...

Oh Dear...

Why hello there! Remember me?

No... well, it has been a while, but I'm back!

Yea, yea, I know I've said that before! But this time it will be different!

How will it be different?

Well, I plan on blogging more!

Okay, look I know I've said this all before, but you got to bare with me! Sometimes I feel like I am repeating myself, or babbling about nothing and you don't want to read that stuff. I personally don't want to sit here and whine everyday. When I feel like I don't have anything to say, I don't say anything, and the still I feel like I have nothing to say, so I wait for the next day, and STILL I feel like I don't have anything to say (get the picture?) The next thing you know a whole year has gone by!

I would love to tell you that so much has changed in that year. That I have grown so much, and my children are perfect angels and my house is spotless and I love doing all the things I'm doing!

But it hasn't.

I haven't.

They sure as heck aren't.

No it isn't even close to being spotless let alone, picked up or clean!

But I do love what I am doing! I am writing!

Do you believe it? I am going to tell you all how I got from there to here...just not right now! The kiddies will be home soon and I have not done one single thing today but sit at this silly computer! :0)
Until next time...

What a day!

Howdy all! Sorry I've been MIA. It's been busy. I have felt like I have nothing to say. I am also working on another little project so...there are my handy excuses!
Anywho...
I am watching my girlfriends sons this summer and in payment she is taking me to Mexico this October! Not too shabby of a deal huh? she's a travel agent so I think she is getting quite a deal for us.
Easter was kind of nice. My hubby was sick on the couch Saturday and Sunday. That wasn't nice. He was useless and I got aggravated and shouldn't have, and than I took it out on my kids, not physically but I snapped a few times. I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that he was sick. It wasn't the kids fault. And it would get done and what didn't oh friggin' well!
the weather feels like June instead of April. I AM NOT COMPLAINING!!! I will take this any day compared to the cold and the "S" word!
We are going to go swimming at the rec today! I swear I have fish instead of kids! I waiting for their gills to grow/sprout! I am also swimming for diabetes so if you would like to pledge me let me know and I tell ya how to get a hold of me! It is a great cause and it should be lots of fun! I promise to make all my pledgers proud! =:)
I believe that is it people, not to exciting huh? Oh well maybe next time...

Thoughts to Ponder

I don't know if you know this but I'm a writer. I wrote this story that's good (and I am NOT just saying that cuz its my story) and i have queried a few agents hoping to get it published.
Yesterday I spent the afternoon yesterday with my friend watching our children swim at the rec center. We were talking about my stories and the woes of the publishing industries.
She suggested that I put them up on my blog.
Hmmm...
You know, the first person who read my story I didn't even ask I just sent it in fear of me chickening out. The next few people were hard but now it's not too bad.
When I hit the send button on my first query email, I thought I was going to throw up! Now I send it with no problems.
Should I set up a blog for my stories? Should it be different than this one? Is it just a waste of time?
What I'm saying is I have to take the first step and only than will the rest of them be easier, maybe not at first but eventually!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Finally!

Wahoo, it's nite time! This is something new!
Usually I come to you during the day right before I take the little buggers to the bus or while I'm enjoy my last few minutes of peace and quiet before the bus drops off my kids and all hell breaks loose.
And it does!
It's like a whirl wind zips through my house when the kiddies get home.
The big one comes in and yells; "dogs! No! Get!" as the white dog leaps out the door and chases the other kids down the street. (not really because we have an electric fence, I totally tried it before I put it on my dogs! I wouldn't make them wear something without knowing what it felt like!) Which I run to the back door and stand there and laugh as the little brats scream and run. I know I shouldn't, I should be the adult and yell at the dog (and sometimes I do, I yell go get em bo!) See they are really brats! They aren't nice to my oldest daughter and that is a whole other story for another day! And it funny, because with or without the collar on the dog won't cross the line, he knows better. I wish it were that easy to train kids! (So yes, I stoop for amusement, sue me!)
Anywho...by the time all the kids are in the house, book bags emptied in the middle of the kitchen table, coats scattered on the floor, and they settle on something they all wanna watch and snack on, I have to pick up coats, go through the crap that's been dumped on the table, and referee between the kids and dogs, I have to start dinner and start nagging my oldest to start her home work! It's total chaos!
I love it!
I never get a chance to blog, so when I came upstairs to go to bed tonite and wasn't very sleepy, I decided to (you got it!) blog!
Tomorrow is Saturday, yippy skippy!
I finally convinced my hubby to join the local rec, it's expensive but my kids love to swim (so do I actually) and once we take the little guppys swimming a few times, it'll pay for itself, not to mention when I go without the kids to workout and do laps! I love swimming, did I mention that? We are going to sign up tomorrow, and I think I'll take them Sunday and maybe Monday nite too. I'm defaintly going Sunday and Monday! :)
So many good things! Yes I love my weekends! Hope you enjoy yours too! Until the next time I have a few quiet moments...
(there was orginally a point but heck if I remember now! TGIF!)

Sent from my iPhone

More whining...I mean wisdom...yeah! Wisdom!

I have a visual for you. It's of my brain. Let me see if I can paint the picture!

My brain is a football field. Thoughts are the players. My story is one team. My household duties are the other team. Household team is getting their butts kicked. There are cheerleaders on the side line cheering about the story. They are so loud that right now that's all anyone can hear!

The household team fumbles. The story team misses the interception. The Blonde cheerleader tosses her pom poms and catches the ball! She's running and running and running and scores! Touchdown! Woot! Woot! Woot!

Can you see it? Me neither, Welcome to my head!
But it sounded good didn't it?
Happy Wednesday, may the rest of your week not be so strange!

P.S.
For the record I don't like football!

My aching head!

I have had the worst sinus headache since Tuesday! (It was fine while I was in Austin! Maybe I should go back!) Nothing I take or do helps. A friend told me about a neti pot and I am going to go look for it, but it's bad!
I didn't sleep well last night, didn't want to get up this morning, and defiantly do not want to go driving around in the snow with my bald tires! Why oh why does it have to be so miserable out? I understand it's February and I live in Ohio, but isn't it time for global warming to take affect? I would not complain if Mother nature decided to have it be 80 degrees instead of 20! Crap, I would throw a party!!!
Oh Brown dog barks and it feels like my skull is rattling!!! Can I go to bed and wake up in maybe May? I like May! Would sometime please come take care of my kids, walk my dogs, run my errands, do my housework so I can hibernate until May?
Do I have any volunteers???
Anyone???
Anyone???
Please...Anyone???
No, okay, than I guess I will survive! I just got to get rid of this headache, I think the world would look better if I didn't have a headache!
I'm done whining...carry on with your day!

P.S.
My background is pink, and I am NOT feeling very pink-ish right now! Sorry for the sudden change!

It's been a while...Did you missed me?

Busy, busy busy been I have! Sorry my son is watching Star Wars, I love Yoda! I didn't when I first saw the movie in the theater (Yes, the first time it was released! Yes, I am showing my age!) He scared me! I think he scared me so much that my grandma had to take me out of the theater. It turned out okay, because when it was all over we just stay and watched it again. (or was that E.T.?) Now I'm not sure, BUT I am sure that Yoda talks funny, and as funny as I find it, I can't quite talk like him. I guess was not I an impersonator shall be.
I've been busy! The fam and I just got back (two days ago!) from Austin, Texas. We went for my hubby's niece's wedding. (Yes technically she is my niece but I refuse to have a niece who is 24, so she is my hubby's niece!) It was beautiful, the wedding and Austin! The week before we went, I was trying to finish an afghan I was making for my hubby's niece and her hubby-to-be, but I didn't get it done. I decided to finish it when we got home and mail it to them! I like to make squares, and than sew them together in rows, and than sew the rows together to make a blanket. The only problem is that you have to sew in all these ends and its just hideous work!
Since we got home I have been catching up on my shows, and making room on my DVR and cuddling with my pups. I didn't realize how much I missed them until we got home Monday night and went to bed.
Bo and Duke. White Dog. Brown Dog. My boys.
Duke curled up above my head on "our" pillow with his paw across my chest, and Bo laid right next to me with my arm around his neck! I fell right to sleep and woke the next morning exactly how we fell asleep.
My pups who weigh in at 75-85 pounds think they are lap dogs.(When realistically they are blanket dogs, they crawl on your lap and cover your body!) They have been super cuddly and lovable. As a matter of fact, we have a date this afternoon (after the bus comes to the little yahoos to school) with the couch, a bowl of popcorn, the afghan in progress and Season 1 of Criminal Minds.
Yes, even though the weather sucks in Ohio, it is good to be home!

Change...

Oh boy, change!
I'm not a big fan of change. I like to keep things simple and simple to me is the way they are and have been for eternity! I don't like to cause ripples in the lake and I don't like to disturb the space that I like to be in.
I changed my blog!
I guess it looks okay. (If it didn't at least look okay to me I wouldn't have changed it!)
What force of natural made me decide to change my blog?
Someone said, "It's a little too dark!"
handing me the pebble that I chose to throw in to the lake.

I know, I know! I sit here almost everyday (at least the other day!) And rant about how I am not going to please others! How I don't care what they think! And blah, blah blah!!! I know! But the evil voice inside my head whispered, "If she thinks its too dark, how many others think its too dark?" and the ugly ripple started!

I like dark!

I like dark! Dark represents the evil one inside, the rebellion, the one who says "F*** It!" and once upon a time everything in my closet was black, not so much nowadays! (I think that is a good thing! don''t get me wrong, I still have several black tank tops, little tee shirts, and a black dress, but I also have pinks, purples, blues, greens and 1 yellow and 1 orange)
So I changed it...it's not comfy yet! (Like every other change that happens in my life!) I guess I'll have to break it in, like a new pair of jeans. It hasn't settled yet. Once it does, months from now (but really just a few days!) I will like it and be glad that I did it!
Or maybe I'll just say F*** It! and change it back!

What You See...

Is What You Get!
I'm not on here to promote my writing. I'm not on here to become someone. I am someone. I'm Me. Sure I have faults. (I never said I was perfect!) I drink way to much coffee. Occasionally, I like a cigarette. (or five!) I am not proper. Or formal. I am not a neat person. I am not fake. I do not pretend to be someone I am not!
I played that game once and the honest truth is it isn't very fun! I don't wear masks. I don't try to be someone I am not to please you or to make you like me.
I am a mother. I am a person. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a sister and I am a friend. (in no particular order!) And if that isn't enough for you, oh well!
All I want in life is to make MY family happy and when I say MY family I mean my husband, daughter, son and youngest daughter. That's it! Sure if others happen to reek the benefits of my actions and end up happy than so be it.
I've learned that the people you try to please will never be pleased, they are constitutionally incapable of inner happiness. Sure they think if they have A, B, and C they will be happy. Than when they get A, B, and C they want D, E and F too!
The thing that irks me the most is people who pretend to be someone they are not! People who judge you before they even know you. People who think that all the pretty things in the world will make them happy.
I don't need outside things to make me happy. Sure it is nice, but if you took all the material things away would I still be happy? You bet, because I know it's an inside job! In order for me to be happy with all the outer stuff I need to be happy with all the inner stuff, and today I am! (Except with the smoking, I'm not too pleased with that, but I never said I was perfect!)
Now you know what I am not!
Would you like to know what I am?
I am a mother. (and a damn good one too!) I am a wife. I am a friend. I pick and choose my battles carefully because somethings aren't worth getting worked up about. I am passionate. I am a friend and I have your back. My friendship comes unconditional, sure there might be things about you that I don't care for, but if you need me I am there, no matter what those things are!
Yes, I have self image issues, who doesn't? I wish I was ten pounds lighter, and my nose wasn't so big and the wrinkles and bags around my eyes would disappear. But (most days) I can live with those things.
I would love to say I am a writer, and in retrospect I guess I am, but I think I spun my mind blowing story and now I'm done. Does that mean I'm giving up? Heck no! I keep trying, even though nothing is coming or feels as good as my little story did! Am I going to continue to do things with that story? You betcha! It takes time, and patience, and patience isn't one of my strongest suits! If I ever become a published writer than it is going to happen because I can tell a great story, and that is the only reason it'll happen.
Do I have any idea where this came from? Nope, just wanted to express it. And that is why I am here to express myself. I may not make sense, I may not talk about important things but this helps clear my head, and to me that is priceless.
And there you have it, What you see is what you get, and as the ever wise Bugs Bunny said... that's all folks! (or was it the little bald guy that stuttered who said that?!?)

It's your lucky day, two for the price of one

Ahh, to have extra time given to you! What a gift that is!
My little ones friend's mom called this morning and asked if they could come over and play today. (Over at his house because my puppies scare him!) And I said, "Sure, I'll call transportation and they can take the bus together!" And she agreed. She said about 11am I said ok, that gave me 2 whole extra hours to myself!
I called and gave the info to transportation, got my two ready and drove them over to their friends house.
When I turned on his street, I realized I had given transportation the wrong street name.
Uh-oh! Did I tell the mother?
Nope! Why not?
Because it's embarrassing! they have been playing over at his house since October, they live RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER, and I can't remember the street name! Hello????
I proceed to do my running around starting to feel bad, what if the bus driver didn't let my kids on the bus? Would the mother try calling me or just drive them to school? If my littlest couldn't get on the bus she was going to be very upset, and it isn't fair for anyone to see the wrath of Luci! (She's stubborn just like her father!)
I got done running around and drove down their street and I figured I would stop and if they didn't get on the bus I would drive them to school, least I could do!
the bus driver let them on, everyone was happy! And I didn't look totally ridiculous. (I just felt it!)
Now I am home, my pups are trying to eat each other and I have 2 hours until the kids start coming home.
I don't know if I want to watch TV, read, nap, write, or talk on the phone, but I am going to do something! Have a good one!

Where you going with this?

I'm not exactly sure what is on my mind right now at this moment. Something is because the wheels are turning so fast that I have a thought and before I can process that thought another thought comes racing in and than they get all jumbled together and I say things like "go comb your teeth and brush your hair! And don't forget to change all of your milk and drink your underwear!"
When I get so jumbled up like that I need to write; whether it be my story, my blog, my journal or my email I NEED to write! SOMETHING!!!
It does work well when I'm in the middle of a story and I get another one running through my head and than another and than another and I have four freight trains zipping through my head. The difference ( yes there is a difference!) is when I have stories flying through my head they stay straight, on the right track, never getting mixed up! Unlike everyday thought about combing teeth and brushing hair!
Why is that?
No seriously why is that? Anyone? Please?
I have a theory would you be interested in hearing it? (Sure you would or you would be here right now!)
My theory is that I have 2 main tracks, decisions and everyday thought, in my head. Everytime I think of a new story my track multiplies!
Yes, my track multiplies so that the new story has something to run on. The more stories I think of, the more my tracks multiply, pushing the two original tracks (my everyday thoughts and my decisions) over to the side, that eventually my thoughts and decisions are running on the edge of their tracks merging into one because there is no room. Which makes it hard for me to have a complete thought. (Hence go comb your teeth and brush your hair! Although technically brush your hair makes senses except in my house hold because we all come our hair!)
Now that one train has unloaded, (by me writing) I can go and work on a story or whatever, and it won't feel so crazy up there.
There you have it folks, a glimpse at how my brain functions.
Has it always been like this?
Nope, I think it got worst as I got older! (or I just didn't notice it as much as I do now!)
I know it defiantly got screwy when I started having babies.

Nonsense...and other meaningless jabbers

I love Sunday mornings!
Sleeping in, drinking coffee and eating some sort of sweet fattening cake or donuts (insert you favorite snack that when you look at it you automatically gain ten pounds!)
Flipping through the Sunday ads and than curling up with a great novel and a warm snugly blanket, yeap I love Sundays!
It wasn't always like that; I remember when I was little I thought Sundays were boring! There was never anything to do, no stores were open and none of my friends were allowed to play. We had to get up early and go to Sunday school and church and home to endear hours of football, or Star Trek and Wild Wild West! I remember falling asleep because I was soo bored and than when I woke up thinking "this show (Wild Wild West) is still on?"
Later Sundays consisted of working and the next day was Monday, I had to get up and go to school!!! And after school it was get up and go to work!
As life went on and I had kids I would have to get up with them, and suffer another week of spit up, poopy diapers and crying babies!
Now my kids let me sleep in a bit, even when hubby has to work on Sundays! And Mondays are usually school days now! (Except tomorrow, my kids have off because of in-service day, whatever that means!)
Now I am excited to start the week. It seems like one day blurs into the next and weeks fly by and before we know it the year is over and it's a start of a new decade!
My kids are no longer babies, my oldest will be 10 in November! 10! I can't believe it! Neither can she; she's so excited to be entering double digits. (Huh? I know!)
Days, Weeks, Months, and Years are long to my children.
When did they just start to blur together for me? Was it when I graduated school? Got Married? Had babies? When the children started school?
Who knows!
All I know is that it truly does go by so quickly.
Today IS a present and we should cherish it while we have it because tomorrow comes quicker and quicker and before we know it we will be thinking "Where did the year go?" as we buy our loved ones Christmas presents and plan for the holidays. (And the infamous Santa shop!)
Ahhh.....
I'm not exactly sure when it changed from "I HATE Sundays!" to "I LOVE Sundays!" but it did!
And today I am going to love Sunday with my 5, 7(almost), and 9 year old before it passes and they are 13, 14, and 16 years old and want to go to their friends house, the mall or cruising around in the car. (Gulp! that is a scary thought!) Or just be anywhere that I am not!
Happy Sunday friends, I hope you enjoy your present as much as I plan on enjoying it!!!

A Problem Shared...

Is a problem cut in half!

I don't know if that is an old wise tail, a Chinese proverb or just friggin' good advice; I do know that it works!

I feel better than I did yesterday. (It might be because my biggest is home with a horrible sore throat and I have something else to dwell on besides moi! Hmmm...we will come back to that later!)

Its funny how that works. I feel like I am "burdening" someone if I share my negative feelings or any feelings with them. I think it makes me seem "weak", "Less than" and not "good enough." the wonderful things I learned from my mother. (Not that she's to blame, she learned it from her mother who learned it from her mother and it just keeps going and going and going like the energizer bunny!)

But that isn't the case. If I share my feelings (good or bad) usually someone says, "I was like that last week..." or "My friend suffers from depression let me introduce you..." or "I know! I..." and I feel a tad better. It fascinates me that by having someone sympathize with me and relate to what I am going through it makes me feel better. I don't know why, and I am not going to try to figure it out, I just want to say thanks and I hope I can return the favor to someone else someday!

Treading water

I would be the first to say I am an optismistic person. I see the cup half full! I look for the good in every situation! If I don't like someone I try to find a quality in them I do like! I'm optismistic, always have and probably always will.
So when depression hits, it hits hard! It's hard to be optismistic when you are depressed. The world seems so dark. All I want to do is sleep, forget getting dress or showering!
Last year I exiperienced a depression that was so bad that you could find me in bed in the fetal position. I have children, three of them to be exact, and I love my children more than life itself, but when I am depressed, it doesn't matter how much they mean to me...as long as they leave me alone! :( it's sad but true!
After last years bout I have taken precautions to not be in the fetal position in my bed.
I take my meds.
I get up and dressed.
I walk my oldest daughter to the bus stop. (instead of standing inside by the window!)
I go outside for at least ten minutes a day.
I try to keep up on the household chores.
When I do these things I can keep my head above the water! And that usually works and in a few days I feel better, but this last bout has been longer than a few days. My head is above the water but you know what? I'm getting really tired of treading water.

Sent from my iPhone

Today's Technology

Hello, Hello, Hello!
It has been too long, I'm sorry I stayed away so long! It really does feel good to be back! :)
Today, I have been goofing around on the computer, my kids are at grandma's house (God Bless Grandma!) and I am procrastinating to go pick them up. While I make up my mind to go get them, I say to myself; "Self just do this one little thing..." and twenty minutes goes by, anywho...
I decided I wanted to Blog because I haven't in FOREVER and I have missed it! I have been "down" lately and when I say "down" I mean depressed, Hiding-in-my-pj's-under-the-covers-so-tired-but-can't-sleep-let-alone-anything-else depressed. (yes I am on meds for this!) but I feel better now sooo....
I get on blogger and after I reset my pass word (I can never remember the dang thing!) I see a little phone symbol and I click on it and it says something like blog from email so I set it up and TA-DA! I can now send messages to my blog! How cool is that???
I swear today's technology is un-freaking-able! I think I would honestly die without my iPhone. It does everything and has everything and as a friend once said "if there was an app to breath I would download it!"
I can access twitter, facebook, my email, myspace, eBay, I can write my stories is my handy dandy notebook app that i downloaded and play games, set an alarm, make a to-do list that I never follow, listen to music, find out who sings a song, map my run (if I ran), and any and every other thing you can think of, I can do it from my phone, except blog to my blog, until today! Woo-hoo!
Just when I think it cannot get any better than that they will come up with something else. But until than...I'm happy to have my phone with all my beloved apps and now I must go get my kids and blog on my phone, Yippee!!!

Does this really work????

I just set it up so I can do this from my phone, and yes I want to make sure it works!

Sent from my iPhone

It's the little things...

While waiting for my children bus to come bringing my rays of sunshine, I was scrolling through the people I stalk... I mean follow on twitter and I found this lady who I found really funny! I am now stalking... I mean following her too, but on her blog she had a twitter button and I was able to copy the code and get my own button!!!

Now you can get to my twitter page from my blog!

I got a new pair of boots yesterday compliments of eBay (and my hubby) and they are awesome. They are chocolate brown slip on boots with 4 1/4 inch heel. I have been wearing them all day today and yesterday (even though they didn't match my PJ's too well!) with the thought that by wearing them everywhere I will tone my legs, thighs, hips and butt. It has to work like those shoes that everyone is making and charging a $100 bucks for, and they are uglier than sin! Mine are cheaper and more attractive! AND if they don't work well, I'll still have an awesome pair of boots!

Finally the noise makers are home, they are 30 minutes late, wonder what that's about, until the next time...

1 hour seven minutes & 38 seconds (approximately!)

It's Monday!!!

My plan of attack is to put the wee ones on the bus and enjoy the empty house! I do not plan on getting dressed! (Thank God sweats and a tee shirt are considered PJ's nowadays!) No one can yell at me for staying in my jammies all day because technically they are clothes, I just slept in them!

Everything is going back to it was before the chaos of December hit! I love school days! Finally some long over due peace and quiet! Yay, me!!!

I should probably clean up the kitchen; get rid of the dirty dishes that are piled on the counter instead of being placed in the dishwasher (Which is directly below the counter!) Put away the clothes I had to wash because I have no more clean jeans or underwear or empty baskets to put more clean clothes in, but I may... (I won't say I'm not because you never know!)

I feel like a little kid getting ready for Christmas break, except I'm not and Christmas is over. I guess you could think of this as my break!

I have to feed the curtain climbers before I put them on the bus and (Surprise, surprise!) they want two different things! One hour and than the house is mine...

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

I hope 2010 found you healthy, safe and happy! And the year to follow offers you peace of mind and wisdom.

For me, 2010 is going to be my year to write. I have goals; I'm not going to smoke, I'm not going to drink, I'm not going to eat meat, I'm going to clean the house, (yeah right! I don't know I always put that one on my list, it NEVER gets done!) Grocery shop weekly, (that one don't happen either!) keep up on the laundry, (well...sometimes at least! Everybody needs underwear!) and write for a hour a day (at least!)

There you have it; so bring it on 2010!

Random Ramblings

"Oh the weather outside is frightful!"

Yes friends we got snow! But not on Christmas :( It came two days later. yes Friends that is typical in Ohio!

"But my dear it's so delightful!"

From inside in my jammies, with a steamy hot mug of coffee in my hand and no particular place to go on Monday, it was very pretty. Now its trampled on and COLD!!!

"Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!"

Call me crazy ( and a lot of people have) but I like snow! (Especially in my pj's, with a steamy hot mug of coffee!) I like it until about January 15th and than I'm done, it can melt and turn 98 degrees again!

"All I want for Christmas is a real good tan! Take me to the islands and put my feet in the sand!"

It would be so great to be on a sandy beach right now! Jumping in the blue water because you are so hot, rubbing lotion on my baby so he don't burn! Yeah I could soo get use to that!
BUT I'd probably have to take the kiddos, SIGH!!!

"Singin’ silent night with the palm trees a blowin’
Ooooh, don’t you think it’s a pretty good plan
All I want for Christmas is a real good tan!"

One year for Christmas and New Year I am going to take my family (just my hubby, three kids and me, the dogs would be cool but I don't think they would make it to the Caribbean. That's a shame because I always have such a hard time finding someone to stay with them and than leaving them behind sucks too!) to the Caribbean for the holidays.
I am not going to MY mother's house that year.
I am not going to HIS mother's house that year.
I will NOT care that we won't be with them for the holidays! ( Well I will care, BUT I won't feel guilty about it!)

We will go!
We will have fun!
We won't care!
(Oh and maybe while I'm there stalking Kenny Chesney...I mean vacationing...I'll get my chance to meet him! AHHHH! KENNY CHESNEY!!! What? A girl can dream?)
Until than...

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas!"

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! May 2010 find you peace of mind, safe and healthy!

WOO-HOO!!!

I made it! I survived Santa shop, and lived to talk about it AND I'm even talking about doing it again next year! I know I should go read my previous post, remember how STRESSED I was, how I couldn't turn my head because of the necks along my neck, how every little thing pushed me closer and closer to the edge! But I'm not going too...I think is like childbirth; you push the little bugger out and swear to God and everybody in that room that your husband will never touch you again! You are done having babies and 8 months later you find out your pregnant and you think "Oh it wasn't that bad!" Just to find out 9 months later that YES it was that bad and this one is even worse!!!
You forget. It happens with everything. The good things. The bad things. and the stupid and idiotic things. You forget what it feels like at that exact moment that you swore on so-so's life that you would never (fill in whatever you would like here!) You forget!
Lets face it the human race is a lot of things but our memory sucks.
Okay wait, let me rephrase; it's not our memories that forget because I can tell you the exact day that I met (and fell in love with my hubby) was on a Wednesday about 4:15pm, and that was 12 years ago.
I remember how the sun feels nice and tingly on my skin on those 90 degree summer days. The feel of the cement on my bare feet. How great a ice cold beer tastes after working in the yard for five hours in the heat. I remember the day my dad died. I can tell you the day and time all three of my children were conceived and born (Except my oldest I don't know how I got pregnant with her...okay I know how but i don't remember the day!)
I remember these things. Especially days. I had a friend (I guess she is still considered a friend, I just haven't talked to her in years) that would tease me because I would say "Hey do you remember that Wednesday we went...." She was always amazed that I remembered the days.
I remember that stuff. Now ask me if I remember how those things made me feel.
I could tell you that my dad dying sucked, it really hurt. Having a baby did not tickle, but was it really so bad that I don't want to have anymore???
I could tell you that it felt hot outside and the beer tasted better that any beer I have ever had. I could tell you that that cement burned the bottom of my feet. But I can't tell you the ACTUAL feeling I had, and why is that?
Because I forgot.
I think it is a survival tool that we subconsciously have and don't know it. It makes humans think that thing really weren't that bad when they were.
But come next October (No make that December!) I will round up my crew and we will start organizing Santa shop again and I bet you (I think I have five bucks in my wallet) Five bucks, that I will get stressed again. I will not be able to move my head because of all the knots in my shoulders. I will be swearing and wondering why I did this AGAIN. I will swear to GOD that I will never ever do Santa Shop again! Why because I'll forget!
You know what will stick out in my memory more than all that other crap? The little boy (on Wednesday afternoon) who handed me three bouncy balls to wrap and I asked who they were for and he said "My mom!" or the little girl who was looking for a present for her sister and could only spend between 2-3 dollars and I showed her pretty neat lip gloss kit and told her it was $1.75 and she said "But that's not between 2-3!" (That was Wednesday morning!) or The little 1st Grader who stood in front of me (on Tuesday morning) and said "Thanks so much for having Santa Shop! I love shopping for mommy!Merry Christmas!"
That right there my friend, made it ALL WORTH IT!!!

'Tis the Season

Good Morning! (it is still morning right?)
It's been busy day and it's not even noon yet. I had PTA meetings at school all morning long. I got slaughtered with Santa shop questions that I couldn't answer. I got all the fliers printed and a teacher changed their time, screw it, I'm not changing it! I'm so aggravated, I just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head. Oh my aching head...(It's almost over! Breath!)
I am going to go out and attempt my Christmas shopping, that would be kind of productive since I haven't bought a single thing yet! And decorations? I haven't even thought of that! I have to do something i haven't been very productive and that isn't good. I am going out to battle the hustle and bustle of the holiday season in this nice 53 degree rain. I thought it was suppose to be a white Christmas not a wet one.
I know I have been complaining quite a bit lately, and I do apologize! I am usually not a complainer. I usually see the glass half full, and I usually am the first person to point out the good in every situation and I promise the complaints will stop and than you will have to listen to me babble about other none important things. Just be patient, hang in there! This to shall pass and in the mean time you have to put up with my whining, but hey 'tis the season!

Anywho...

That was a dozy of a scab I decided to scratch open yesterday, let me tell you I felt sad and depressed all day long. It amazes me that after ten years it can still hurt that bad. Oh well, I felt it, I embraced it and I let it go and went to bed. I woke up this morning feeling chirpy and well rested so it must of been something that I needed to do. Anywho...
I am still working on Santa Shop. (Breath!) I have like five things that need to go home in the next three days so I was counting out copies that I had made yesterday in between all my feeling and came up short, like 85 copies! Not good! I called the publisher place this morning and they said they would run off my copies and I could pick them up this afternoon. So I put my Santa Shop Shit (Breath!) away and started working on a story that I wrote, and the next thing I know it's time to get the wee ones on the bus for school. Thank god they can take care of them selves. Well not take care of themselves but get something if they are hungry, or thirsty, and dress themselves. (I was ready to put them on the bus with their PJ's on!)
After the bus came I jumped in my car and drove up to get my copies and there was no one there. I thought maybe they were on lunch and I would try again at 2pm. I came home and went back to that story and a while later the phone rang. It's the publisher, their copier is broke, they won't have my copies until tomorrow maybe Thrusday. BROKE!
Uh huh, I need them, and I them today. So here I sit, waiting for the last 50 copies to come out of my printer. Praying that this happens before 3:30pm when school gets out. My hubby is going to crap when he finds out that I used all the ink he just bought. I'm sure I'll get reimbursed sooner or later. I keep telling myself that next week this time it'll almost all be over! It'll be worth it. It's got to be worth it, right?
I have two dogs. they are lab/retriever mix. They are one year old. They are both male. Need I say more? I love my dogs, even when I had to chase them all over the neighborhood because they got out the front door. That don't happen anymore, we got an electric fence. (I know it sounds mean and cruel but honestly it don't hurt when you get "corrected", I tried the collar myself!)
I had to do something, I was getting hurt, leaving my kids alone while I ran after them and animal control was called on me. Not to mention the neighbor who "really don't like them running through her yard everyday!" (Bite me! It wasn't everyday!) So we got an electric fence. Now they can run the yard (and they do) and feel free without actually being free. It's pure genius!
Last week they ate one of the compotents on the collar (the part that produces the shock) and now it don't work. We have to get it replaced, it's on my list of things to do. (Wait I don't have a list) I managed to "fix" the collar and we put it on the white dog, because the brown dog is way too smart, and that has been working, until today! I think my dog figured it out because he was barking at the neighbor kid (who is deathly afraid of my boys, WTH? they are big teddy bears who like to jump on you and kncok you down and than slobber all over your face! there's nothing scary about two 85 pound dogs running at you!) from the sidewalk. The sidewalk is not my yard. It is outside of the fence. The funny thing is he just stood there and barked. (The brown dog would of took off!)
I had to bring them in and shut the gate so they can't run anymore. Brown dog is not happy about this at all! He keeps pacing the house like a cage tiger and every now and then he moans and groans about it. Or he'll just sit down next to me and bark. I could live without that, his bark seems to go right to my bones and vibrate off them. His bark can be ear piercing at times. I think he knows this because he does it when he wants something. Hey I never said they were dumb! I guess I'll have to order a new collar so my boys can play and torment the neighbor kids without actually tormenting them. Poor puppies!
My printer is SOO slow! They are not going to be done in time. I guess it'll have to wait until tomorrow =(
Now I have an extra thirty minutes before the kids come home and my peace and quiet disappear until tomorrow afternoon. What to do? Maybe I should start dinner? Order a new collar? Start counting copies? Change laundry loads? Nah, I think I'll go write my story...

Ah Ha!

Ah the wonders of Mondays!
I think I hate Mondays, but everyone also goes back to school and work on Mondays, and i don't have to hear "Mom..." or "Mom! Tell so-so to stop..." or "honey where's the..." Yes i can sit back and relax and just be.
I like to just be. It's when I have the most insight and all my ah-ha's come to me. It only happens for a few moments each day and sometimes I can't sit still long enough for it or sometimes I miss it and than I have double the ah-ha's going through my head and it gets over crowded. I never know exactly when Imissed my moment until it is too late.
I defaintly must of missed it this weekend because the thoughts are flying through my head faster than I can type. I have no idea what to do let a lone what to do first! Kind of like figuring out which end is up.
I am not a very organized person, and that is putting it mildly. I know there are a few people who would even go so far as to say I am a slob or lazy or scattered brained. I am all those things! (I just won't admit it out loud, and blogging about it don't count!) So be it. To each their own!
I would rather have a messy house because I was too lazy to stop giggling with my kids from playing telephone. I would rather have forgotten something because I was having a heart to heart with my daughter. Or I'd rather be a slob and not shower in the morning because I had a few extra minutes to snuggle with my hubby. Those things don't happen all the time and I would much rather look back and say "yeap, that was fun!" instead of "Awww, I wish I hadn't of missed that!"
I realize everyday how quickly time goes by; everytime I look at one of my children and see how big they are, I'm honored (most of the time) that they still want to be with me, play with me, and hang out with me! I hold my breath waiting for the day when my oldest rolls her eyes and tells me she's too busy to sit and play telephone with me because that's lame! I know it'll happen, just like I know one day she will look back and say "I wish I would of..." We all do these things and our children are going to do the same thing.
I'm feeling sentimental today. It's snowing and I could hear my dad's voice in my head, "It's flakin' outside!" My dad has been dead for ten years. I miss him. I don't know if it's the flakes, or that the annierversary of his death wasn't to long ago, or that his birthday was on Christmas, or that his favorite holiday was Christmas. Or maybe it's just because I love my dad and miss him a lot and that my friends is okay. I don't need a reason to feel sad, and I don't need an excuse to miss my dad.
The sad sentiments will past a long with the tears (but my eyes will probably be puffy for the rest of the afternoon!) and maybe tomorrow I will think "Wow! I remember doing this with my dad!" And smile because I am able to have that thought instead of regretting that I didn't!
I have no regrets today. I try to do it all with everyone I love because I know one day I won't be here and I want my children to think "That was so awesome when mom did..." Instead of "I wish I could of shared that with mom but she was too busy cleaning!"
I'm done! It's time to go and get my stuff done. I'm glad I had this moment to just sit and be...the ah-ha's that came were priceless.

I was so ready to take on the world this morning!

I got up before the alarm went off, (well before I had to hit the snooze button again!) I had my daughter dressed and ready to get on the bus, I started the laundry, washed the carpet, (where my son decided to puke last night) made my coffee, got the other two children breakfast, looked at the ads to go Christmas shopping, and than I remembered I had Santa Shop stuff to do. Uh-oh!

Santa Shop! The two words alone make my heart start to pound and my chest gets all tight and I feel like I cannot breath!

Why in the world did I volunteer to do this? Because the children love it and I want to be a part of that. My oldest daughter was so excited when she found out that I was in charge of the Santa shop this year. She wanted to know if I was going to make everyone wear elf costumes like they did in the Junie B. Jones book she had just finished reading. I'm not, heck with the way it has been going I'll be lucky to have any help there!

It's just for three days, think of how happy my kids will be! That's what the inner mother in me keeps saying, do you want to know what I want to tell my inner mother?

You are probably wondering why I did agree to do this, huh? Especially since just saying the two words alone gives me anxiety. Well they didn't at first. At first I was excited, I thought someone else would volunteer to co-chair with me and we would get it done together. No! NO ONE OFFERED TO HELP!!! Finally I get the binder of what needs to be done to make Santa Shop a success and I look at the time line. It says to start in September, it was the end of October when I got the frigging thing! (BREATH!!!)

I had to come up with crafts to make to sell at the shop. I had to buy the crafting supplies, I had to arrange for a room and a day to do these crafts on and than only 5 people showed up to help me! And the worst part is I am not a crafty person! Okay lets look at the glass half full; it could of been worse, no one could of showed up. I still have a box of frigging ornaments to make out in my garage and Santa Shop (can't breath!) Is less than two weeks away.

I guess it'll be okay, I mean I can get my volunteer forms up to school before 3:30pm. I can call every single parent I know and beg, grovel, and bribe them to help me. I can get all the fliers to the publishers and handed out next week. And it'll all be great and the kids will love it! Who am I kidding?

But you know what? It is going to happen no matter how much I complain, good or bad, I have absolutely no control over it. I can only work with what I have, I'm not supermom! So I am going to finish printing my fliers, take them up to school and head over to the publishers to drop off the other things that need to be printed for next week and than it is out of my hands.

Santa Shop will happen this year and next year I can sit back and laugh at the poor chump who signed up to be in charge!

(Unless it goes great and than maybe I'll do it one more year...)

Yes, I have my own blog!

I have to tell you right away that you won't be reading my deep dark secrets here so sorry to disappoint you. What you will read are the thoughts that run through my head. (That right there is enough to make me turn and run) but if you are brave and think you are up to the task than stick around the fun is just begun!